New Year’s Resolutions make us feel excited and overwhelmed at the same time. Often we have the best intentions, but by the end of January, we have failed to keep them. I often see how to set New Year’s resolutions, but I rarely see articles on why the fail, so I decided reflect and write about the “why’s’ resolution failures. Here is what I have found

1. Unrealistic Goals
2. Failure to Plan
3. Lack of A Replacement Behavior
4. Peer Pressure
5. It Was Not That Important To You

1. Unrealistic Goals: In our goals we may want to: eat better, get in shape, spend more time with family, follow my dreams. relax, and ( list goes on), but it is not realistic to work on all of my my goals aggressively at the same time. It is also not realistic to expect instant progress on a single goal. When we fail to focus what we reasonably can accomplish and how long it will really take ,we tend to become discouraged and give up quickly

2. Failure to Plan: When we make a resolution, it tends to stop there.. ” a statement about what we want to accomplish, eliminate, or change”. We often talk about what our resolution is going to be, but we fail to discuss or consider how we are going to accomplish them. We often fail replace SMART goals ( goals that are able to be measured and assessed) with vague plans for success.

3. Lack of a Replacement Behavior: I find this

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This is going to be a very raw post, but I want to share it, because I doubt that I am the only parent educator that feels this way sometimes. One of my goals in this blogging journey is to not only share insights and resources that are fun and innovative , but to also reflect on honest conversation with self care and self awareness. Sometimes this means being OK with not being constantly perfect or content in life, and more importantly, being vulnerable and honest. Working with young children and having young children at home can cause some conflicting internal feelings. . .

Truth be told, I don’t always feel like I am doing a great job. Here is my personal reflection…

Some days I feel like I have no patience with my own children: Sometimes I feel like patience is quantitative, like a bottle of water filling up each morning and draining by the end of the day. Most of it gets used with the students at my school. I show empathy, kindness, and patience as my students cry, scream, and share their feelings of anger, worry, and frustration with me. When I come home from the day at work, my patience bottle feels empty sometimes. When this happens, I am more curt with my daughter, have less patience for “small mistakes or accidents’, and feel irritable inside. I do not like it when I feel this way. It makes me feel guilty. Being aware of my own internal conflict has helped me not emotionally react to my own children as much , and it also allows me to have honest dialogue with my daughter, who is almost 7. I found that is OK to say ” Mommy is feeling grumpy right now. I am sorry if I am snippy.” Or “Mommy needs a few minutes of time to herself. I will be back to play with you in 20 minutes”. I find that not hiding how I am feeling helps me move past them and it also shows my daughter how to communicate her own feelings.

Some days I don’t want to have play dates at my own house: We live in the BEST neighborhood! There are so many children that are same age as my children and they play together often. Throughout the school year however, I struggle to have playdates at my own house. When I first realized this, it bothered me. My internal dialogue was asking “What is your deal? You love working with children… it is the career you chose. You have two children of your own! Why do you not want other children at your house very much during the school year?”. I then began to realize that by having a lot of play dates after school during the school year, I felt like I was taking my job home for a continued work day. I recognized that I needed a break during the week to just be a mom, wife, and more importantly a person. In the summer, we have had a lot more friends come over, and it has been going great. I am still trying to work through this throughout the upcoming school year… trying to honor my daughter’s request for friends while still maintaining a sense of balance in my own life. Still problem solving…

Some days I want to stay home with my own child: I think that any working parent in any industry struggles with days of having to go to work when they would rather be home with their child. I can’t say that my feelings of missing seeing my one year old son throughout the day are stronger that other working parents. What I can say, is that it sometimes hard to spend so much time with other people’s children while missing my own. It is quite interesting paradox to be a parent educator… you are able to see so many milestones accomplished…in the children of others. At the same time, others are seeing the milestones of your own child or children as you work. I can’t really complain though. Right now, I have the ability to spend my entire summer with my children, a luxury that many other working parents do not have. I recognize that this time is a compellation of many wonderful summers that this career in education has offered me.

I have written this cathartic post for the other educator parents out there that my have some of the same feelings. They are complex, they are raw, and they are real. You are not alone! I understand how you feel! It is OK to have these feelings sometimes! Don’t feel guilty… You are wonderful!

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• Guest Post by Dr. Lauren Moss

“Self-care” has become a buzz term in our culture. People use it for everything from massages to drinking water.

I talk to many counseling clients, friends, teachers, and family members who say, “I’m too exhausted to do self-care. If I had an extra hour in my day, I wouldn’t be this stressed or burnt out.”

I understand. I really do.

 As a person who identifies as being in recovery from the hectic lifestyle suggested by the dominant messaging in our Western culture, I remember feeling this way ALL-OF-THE-TIME.  It’s like saying to a broke person, “if you are behind on your bills just pay them at the start of the month, then you won’t be behind anymore.”  See the problem?  When there is no money in the bank, you can’t pay all of your bills.  When there is no energy to draw from, it’s hard to muster the ability to care for yourself.  

Why Self-Care Feels So Hard

I distinctly remember the first time I consciously heard the term, “self-care”.  It was during my doctoral studies in counselor education.  I can’t quite recall the exact language used to describe it, but I do remember a feeling of relief washing over me.  I had this sensation that maybe I wasn’t meant to indefinitely keep up the intense pace I had been maintaining for the previous 15 years. 

Although the initial ‘ah-ha’ moment was profound, I discovered that implementing self-care practices was for me, as with most people I talk to, easier said than done.   Ultimately, self-care becomes a process of falling in love with yourself to the point that you truly desire meeting all of your own needs.  Sound like a fantasy? Maybe. Impossible?  It doesn’t have tobe! I can tell you from personal experience that it is possible. I now recommend my process to others looking to find more joy and balance in their lives. 

Here are the steps I suggest to figure out how to integrate self-care into your life:

1. Define Self- Care for Yourself

Looking back I realize that when I started working on myself I had a really warped view of what self-care is.  It now feels like I was throwing darts in the dark!  What I can report in retrospect is that while taking a lavish vacation can be fun it may not be restful and that although drinking wine and catching up with an old friend might be fun in the moment, it can easily  turn into a social and physical hangover.  Listen to your inner guidance to figure out which activities REALLY bring more wellness and joy into your life and do more of those things as often as possible. I now define self-care as “any behavior that supports my progression toward purpose.”  Feel free to borrow my definition, or (better yet) create your own!

2. Audit Your Calendar

Ask yourself: “How am I spending my time?”  Analyze what is bringing you joy and fulfillment vs. what you do out of obligation or perceived necessity. If you are honest with yourself, I bet you’ll find that there are things you can cut out. It may not make others happy and you may have some people in your life shocked that you are drawing boundaries, but it is a necessary step to finding time for self-care.  When I did this exercise it turned out that almost ALL of my time was being spent in business that did not feed my soul but rather drained the life source from me.  Yikes.  This was a tough truth to face, but it was an important epiphany to have to heal myself and more congruently live my purpose. You don’t HAVE to grade those papers right now (yes, I’m talking to YOU — stop making excuses!).  Those dishes CAN stay in the sink for one more day. 

3. Start Small

If you’ve made it this far, I can hear many people saying (as I once would have), “Well, getting an hour massage brings me joy and wellness, but I can’t afford the time/ money to do that every day/ week.  So now what?”!  I’ve found that starting REALLY small is the best way to increase self-care and wellness into my day-to-day schedule. 

Instead of exercising for an hour, close your eyes for a few minutes and focus on taking several deep breaths.  Rather than worrying about scheduling weekly massages, give yourself a foot or shoulder rub after each email you respond to.  Small acts of kindness and appreciation will grow and flourish if you allow them to!  

Overall, don’t give up.  No matter where you are on your journey with self-care there is always room for growth. The ‘perfection’ of self-care is in the pursuit, not the product.  Also, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.  Let your support system know you are working on self-care and appreciate their help. Check out my website for additional tips and support —  I believe our journey toward wellness is meant to be shared and co-experienced.  I’ll see you out there as we find our way!

With heart,

Lauren

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Educators are natural givers. We constantly support the needs of our students, our children, our spouses or significant others, and our extended families. The list could go on forever.

With the continuation of COVID-19 in schools, many educators feel overwhelmed, nervous, and tired.

We often neglect ourselves. With everything happening in our world and day-to-day lives, that unintentional self-neglect begins to catch up with us. Here are a few simple self care strategies for teachers that have helped me during this long year.

1. Face Mask Break- BREATHE

 I noticed that I was having a hard time taking deep breaths while wearing my face mask at work. I am not talking about not enough oxygen to function or go throughout the day to day; I am talking about the deep belly breathing that helps reduce stress and anxiety.  I needed those deep breaths to get through the day, but my mask would cling to my mouth as I attempted to take meaningful breaths.

As often as I could, I took my mask off. I do not always have the luxury of taking it off in the classroom for extended times, so something that I did was pull it down while facing a wall or the board for a few seconds and took a few good breaths! I felt a lot happier and calmer afterwards.

2. Water, Water, Water!

I know!  I too have the love/hate relationship with drinking liquids at work. Either I am totally dehydrated, irritable, and groggy, but thankful that I do not have to do the “get out of my way pee -pee run” with my hardly five- minute free time, or I am having to get creative after drinking water with my bathroom breaks throughout the day… just to get to the bathroom in time.

I decided that I would be taking more bathroom breaks and drink more water… it has made a tremendous difference!  Drinking more water made me feel happier, calmer, less anxious, and better able to function during the day, with more bathroom breaks, of course. Here is a more detailed article from Solar Mental Health explaining how awesome water is in more detail here    Drink Up friends!

3. Go Outside!

I love being outside, but I am often inside most of the time at work. With so little time for planning in my day, it is difficult to go outside. I sometimes worry that I will not have enough time to get everything done. But I realized that everyone has five minutes if they plan correctly.

When I got outside for five minutes, I can think of an amazing lesson that I want to create, think about various ways to support my students, or take a moment to reflect on something I am grateful for!   If I cannot get out for five minutes on a certain day, I am purposeful when I take the students for recess. I have intentional mindfulness and reflection while watching them, making sure to take deep breaths. Here is a great article that talks about the benefits of five minutes outside. You will feel rested and ready to work again, just like I did.

These small things can make a huge difference in our day, allowing us to feel better, more alert, and ready to finish your year with calm confidence. While some of us may be winding down the year, others have a month or so to go! Make yourself a priority! You have got this my friend!

We often neglect ourselves, and with everything going on in our world and day to day lives, the unintentional self -neglect is beginning to catch up. Here are some are easily implemented strategies that have worked for me during this long year.

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